This is an
experiment in keeping a record of what's happening in my life. In the
class I teach on journaling I would call this a chronicle - it's intended to
focus on the events of day to day living rather than deeper emotional
issues. I've kept a journal off and on since 1982. Some years
it's fairly in depth and recently it's been virtually nothing.
- I am a whole, wonderful being
regardless of what I do.
- I accept support graciously and
without strings attached
- I have everything I need right now
to be happy and whole
- It's never too late to have a
happy childhood
- I love myself for who I am not for
what I can accomplish
- I am not my job
My Personal Astrological New Year. - Readings
Normally I do a complete set of readings today
but for some reason It was very clear that I needed to do them early I did
one i-ching reading to confirm and got the same hexagram that I had gotten
on the 1st..
Went
to a technical meeting of a group I belong to. Got to reconnect with a
friend I don't see too much. We worked together at the last company
and we've managed to stay in touch. KB absolutely knows
everyone.
The
new moon in Aquarius at 1°10
1:05
pm PST
Sabian Symbol:
An Old Adobe Mission
Chinese
New Year.
The Year of the Monkey, 2004,
Having terrible email problems. Seems that
while the "powers that be" can't stop spam they can stop our list from
functioning correctly.
Mom
had a better day today. She was talking again and the fever has
dropped.
I
brought a piece I needed to get finished to the open group this evening.
They gave me some great comments. There were certain parts of the column
that I had never been happy with and I think based on their input I can fix
it.
Finished
up the article and sent it out.
Things seem to be getting worse again.
There was a time when she was only taking the next step downward in three
week increments -- now it seems to be happening very rapidly. She's
stopped eating again. Violet and I both started wondering if Mom was
in some pain. She was rather vocal in her moaning every time Violet
moved her.
I can't believe
how thin she is. She never did weigh very much but she is literally
skin and bones.
I had planned to
do a really nice celebration tonight but it wasn't possible. I went
over to see Mom at about 8:00 and she was doing very poorly. I called
the night nurse at Hospice and she said start the morphine and to call my
brothers immediately. She says Mom will be gone within the week.
Phil saw his shadow this year so button up that overcoat.
My youngest brother is catching a plane from the
East Coast. The hospice nurse came over to check on Mom today and at
least got her to swallow a little water. She has been completely
unresponsive. I had bought Mom so new nightgowns two weeks ago and the
nurse just asked me to slit them up the back and turn them into hospital
gowns. I spent 40 minutes in the fabric store store
Found out yesterday that my editor was leaving.
Also agreed to push out my March column until June. I hate missing or
postponing my writing deadlines but in this case I think given the situation
with Mom it is probably a good idea.
Mid-winters Day.
The
calendar has turned into something of a diary -- The ebb and flow of
everyday life. My mother passed away this morning at 9:30. We arrived
2 or 3 minutes after she passed away.
Li-chun
The Beginning of Spring
-
Full Moon at 16° 54 Leo
:47 am PST
Sabian Symbol:
A businesswoman at her desk
Didn't really pay any attention to the full
moon. I was too busy making arrangements for my Mom's cremation and
too exhausted to think beyond the next hour. As a pagan I have to
admit that this is a time where I miss the structure of established
religion. In my childhood neighborhood the rules were clear; pine box,
shawl and then sit Shivah for 7 days. I find that at a time like this
simple rules are a help. I'm also surprised at how little I want to go
out. Having it clear that you will be disengaged for 7 days is about
right.
Interesting situation -- the moon is very bright
and is shining in to my bedroom window between about 3:00 am and 5:00 am.
We have high cathedral windows and it takes about 2 hours for it to pass
from across the night sky until it finally moves behind the tall stand of
firs in our yard
The Narvik Sun Pageant
is held annually in northern Norway on this date to honor the Sun Goddess,
Sunnu. The
festival begins at first Sun and continues until evening shadows
darken the sky.
Still struggling for some appropriate ritual to bring closure. My
mother's memorial service won't be for several months but that leaves me
feeling disrespectful. I spent the afternoon in the book store looking
for something that might help -- 101 ways to mourn kind of thing but what I
found didn't meet any of my needs.
Things have
started picking up on the job front. A company I've been talking to
for months seems ready to move the next step - finally. We're now
playing telephone tag to set up a face to face meeting
Confirmed the meeting with
the client in the Southwest -- I just wanted to make a note of this because
A) these are the people I really want to work with and B) The I-ching said
"The advantage will be seen in his getting friends in the southwest, and
losing friends in the northeast." This firm is in the Southwest.
Of course I don't want to give up my long standing relationship with the
folks in the Northeast, but we'll see what unfolds Even if nothing comes of
this I have to say that I'm fascinated by the fact that it's directly
applicable
The day the birds begin to sing
I
Beautiful
weather -- The Dog and I went for a walk and I think it was the first time
since the killer frost that I've really taken a look around. The
flowers aren't up yet but there really are signs of spring. My
neighbors have two wind chimes in the yard and I almost felt as if I was
being serenaded.
Got a
second prospective client. What strikes me is that two weeks ago I
would have had to turn the work down flat and now even though I'm not wild
about going back out on the road., I can at least talk about it. - I did up
a new information sheet on the business and sent it off.
Beautiful
weather - sun was out and it was in the high 50s low 60s. Spent the
day cleaning out storage for my mom. The folks at the Goodwill are
getting to know me on a first name basis.
Decided to make
up a memory portrait/ancestor altar for my sewing room. I got the
frames and have begun pulling out pictures.
Update on the
client situation -- seems the firm that has an in with the client was trying
to cut out the firm I normally partner with. They reconciled their
differences but it sounds a little rocky
The Last Quarter Moon at 24°11 Scorpio,
5:39 am PST
Parentalia
was the Roman Festival of the Dead, - I had hoped to do a ritual
When I wrote this I had no idea what I'd be
facing. I will probably build a web page for my mother (to showcase
her art work) but that will come after the ancestor altar. A friend
stopped by -- his job situation is a little iffy right now and he might have
to close the doors of his business. Seems this is a real time of
transition. Hubby caught an early flight today so we got to spend some
more time together
According
to Feng Shui fragrant rose bushes can attract the job opportunities you
want, but be sure to keep them well-pruned.
That
does it -- I've got three terrible roses that I hate so of course I've
neglected them. I'm pulling them out and replacing them this weekend.
In the mean time I'll prune them since I've got a number of job prospects on
the line and I'd really like the work)
The four day Festival of Love
in honor of Aphrodite also began at this time in ancient Rome.
St. Valentines Day
Started to feel like life is returning. We did shopping for
our dinner tonight (got lots of flowers at a very reasonable price at the
new Sam's club. Also went car shopping.
Not as rainy
has they'd said it would be --just the stuff that makes you rust
Had
another very nice dinner at home. Hubby has the next day off so we get
a real three day weekend. Bought a new tent to cover the hot tub.
Between the wind and the ice storm here -- this is our fourth tent in three
years
Feast of Fools
Spent
the day out in the garage sorting through Mom's stuff. Still lots to
do but we're making progress. Read a draft of a letter my mother was
writing to some man during WW2 to tell him she wasn't interested in pursuing
their correspondence. The formality of the language was amazing.
I don't think of our language having changed that much in 50 years but mores
are quite different (ah duh...)
Sun Enters Pisces
11:50pm PST
Up at the crack of dawn to work on a course
outline. I think the concept is good. We'll see if it generates
any energy
met with my weekly group this evening.
These people are terrific, funny, and just all round great people.
This plus a conversation I had with a woman earlier in the day points up to
me that community still exists but we have to reach out to find it.
My outreach has been in literacy, but for some it could be politics or
education or anything that contributes to holding the fabric of society
together.
As
I was looking through Amazon to find some books on to help me plan the
memorial service I came across a book called "Calling
the circle" and I had an instant sense of recognition that I have always
had the skills to do this and have done it a number of times. The time
isn't right at the moment but I think another piece of my own personal
puzzle just fell into place.
The
Dark Moon -
Spent
the evening finding material and books to help me plan Mom's memorial
service. I'm really amazed at how little there is out there. It
tells me that even the pagan community is still uncomfortable with the
concept of death.
New
Moon in Pisces.at 1° 04
1:18 am PST
Sabian Symbol:
A Crowded Public Marketplace
The advice for this
moon is The attraction toward beautiful fantasies is quite compelling.
Don't be tricked by your own self-created illusions -- even if they seem
so perfect.
The additional
commentary on the Sabian symbol for this new moon is:
The best aspects of the community
are on display and available for the benefit of others. You may find that
you are able to contribute and benefit from this display. Getting yourself
or your products 'out there', where they can be appreciated can bring
rewards on many levels.
I
find the information around this new moon interesting. On the one had
it says be careful what you allow yourself to believe (the 7 of cups).
Since this happens directly before a business trip where I have been telling
myself that everything will come together auspiciously I regard this as a
slap upside the head that maybe things are not what I hope them to be.
On the flip side the Sabian symbol
seems to say that it is auspicious to get my wares out there for the world
to see. I have a number of other projects underway that would do that.
This moon then says to me that I should concentrate on showcasing my
talents.
Spent
hours doing boring maintenance chores (car related). Oh well every
life needs to include a lot of chop-wood and carry water in it. Still
nothing on the job front. Makes me a little nervous given that today's
horoscope's advice was the following:
Went to the home show and then
had friends over for a late dinner (they called and said they were coming
with dinner). When my brother was out here he was horrified that
friends dropped by without calling and that everything seemed so casual.
I on the other hand am delighted
Bought a new car today. Took most of the
day. Think I need to figure out a ritual for welcoming such a
permanent member of the family into our lives. The car is a lovely
shade of green and we named it emerald.
Monday
Seem to have come down with this nagging cold bug. Not bad enough to
lay you flat just bad enough to leave you dragging.
Hectic day getting ready to travel. I'm
out of fighting trim being a road warrior. Got a bid on landscaping
one small part of the backyard. I think the bid was fair but that's
simply too much money to invest unless we're staying here for a long time.
Off on an adventure Thought the
time on the plane was profitable. Talked through the course I'm
developing with my traveling companion. She set up the meeting we're
going to. We both have hopes that we'll be able to do some joint
business with this company so and we flew out to see them today. Once
we got there thought I wasn't sure that we're clicking on all cylinders.
They're expectations and ours seemed to be slightly different.
The First Quarter Moon at 24°11 Gemini,
5:39 am PST
Relationships and partnerships can be
a bit problematic now, but this doesn't mean that the problems will be
insurmountable. It's been difficult for you to establish the proper
boundaries as you work or play with others, and now this can become the
topic of conversation.
Interesting day. Spent it chatting with an individual who
had developed a "compatibility" test. I found the entire thing
,extremely stressful and to be honest somewhat humiliating. I entered
the discussion having made the decision that I would practice receptiveness
and humility so I did my best to give up my need to control the situation
but it was an experience I wouldn't chose to repeat. I'm struck by the
fact that my "daily horoscope" seemed to pick up on this issue. I
definitely felt my boundaries were invaded in this discussion and that I
didn't have the ability to deflect the questions without violating my
commitment to honesty. Definitely something I will have to give some
more thought to.
Spent the day shopping with my MIL and SIL.
Who else but me drags 5 yards of upholstery fabric back from another state?
Turns out though that I've never seen anything like it and I know it will be
perfect to finish up the family room (which I want to do before our party in
March). This is the first time I've ever really spent any quality time
with the in-laws. Thank heavens I really like them.
Watched
Second Hand Lions -- have to put it down as mindless entertainment.
Not bad at all but not great
Leap Year -
Spent the day shopping again. I really
need to spruce up my wardrobe if I'm going to be working outside of the
house again. Turns - Lord of the Rings won the academy
awards this year. but we didn't watch it. Decided to watch under the
Tuscan Sun. Interesting movie if somewhat funky.
Back from my adventure. Got a good seat on the plane which is a miracle considering I decided to try
and get on an earlier flight.
Did
nothing profitable with the rest of the day. Found a picture of the
headstone on my grandparents grave and there will be room to add my Mom's
name there. I now need to get everything finished up but that was the
last "big question"
