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2nd House Journal |
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2nd House Journal |
My second house goes from March 2 until April 10th. The contents of this journal are never predictable. Some years it's just a sentence or two and some years it's much more. You'll also find many of the entries beginning with a small graphical tag. I'm experimenting with how this will impact the journal. Basically without reading an entry I can go through a house and find what stands out to me visually (group activity, travel etc)
1988
Solar eclipse in late Pisces -- Working at SMS and life is kind of funky. A friend fixed me up with someone she thought I'd have some interest in and I didn't have the sense to run for the hills. In some ways he wasn't bad company but he was so desperately a wantabe. I think I was interested in hearing about someone else's journey because I didn't have enough faith in my own process. The only thing I really made note of during this time was a discussion we had at lunch about our earliest childhood memory. I shared that one of mine was of my parents leaving me alone in the hospital when I was two. A friend asked if that had left me with abandonment issues and I agreed it probably did. I was also doing a number of meditations during this period though none of them were particularly profound.
1993
Had a somewhat unpleasant experience with my work situation. Marsha called me one day to tell me that the CEO I was working with had spent the weekend going through my hard-drive looking for evidence that I had stolen company secrets. She said that his behavior had frightened her and that I needed to take care of myself. I packed up all my personal things in the office and basically ran for my life (both figuratively and literally.
In many ways the situation turned out to be a blessing -- I immediately went to work with our one local client and my life got a lot better. I was finally earning something (since previous to this it had been a self funded startup), and I enjoyed working with him.
1997
Wednesday, March 05, 1997 5:51 AM
Martin came by yesterday to ask me if I’d consider taking a consulting job with IF. This is what I was working towards and I told him I’d be very interested. I haven’t heard anything from SO but I talked to BJ yesterday and she said she’d been told they were planning to make a decision the end of the month.
I did the I-ching on IF and got 52 moving to 15 (meditation moving to modesty) “MEDITATION, in general, can renew both mind and body. By pacifying stress that is based upon projection and fantasy, true relaxation can be attained. The instincts that spring forth in accordance with your real needs. Stop your thoughts now.
He who knows does not speak
He who speaks does not know
Close the mouth,
Shut the door of desire,
Blunt the sharpness,
Untie the tangles
Soften the light
Become one with the dusty worldThe moving line was 6 - the ruling line - “When your inner composure can reach even beyond the situation in all aspects of your life, you can penetrate the true meaning of things. From this perspective come great good fortune.
The I-ching seems to have answered a broader question than the one I asked. There is something to think about but it isn’t the yes or no of SO or IF. What keeps coming to me is what is the fabric of my life? Is my vision of Mr. R a fantasy? And when did I decide I was not part of the middle class? There are reasons to say yes to SO but one of the imaginary reasons is Mr. R, assuming I haven't already met him. Maybe this is the lesson of Hubris, of believing I actually have a choice and can actually affect the outcome. Not my will but thine. The more closely aligned with universal will that we are the less illusion there is of personal choice.
04/04/97 5:55:43 AM
I haven’t written in months. Too busy living to get anything down. For once as I write these words I’m not angry with myself. It would be nice to have kept a better journal but it obviously isn’t the most important thing in my life or I would have done it.
On the mundane level TWIM and I just got back from Belize (more about that some other time). I’m behind on the conference paper (are we surprised???). I’ve spent all of my free time working on my home page for Neela. I’ve got a draft of it up. It’s far from perfect but it’s a start and I did it all myself (well me and Front Page)
1998
Rune Reading
1999
Had some custom jewelry made for our anniversary. TWIM got an oak leaf and I got the tree of life. At the time we called our house Duirhaven and it seemed appropriate..
Extremely busy working on a project that needs to ship right around the end of this house. The problem was that the requirement had sat on my bosses desk for a couple of months and she really hadn't understood that the clock had started ticking. The second house often has to do with values and in some ways this time period focused on both what I value and where I bring value. The team did a great job getting things done under impossible circumstances. I was overworked and stressed but that's me on every thing I do. One thing that I should mention about this time period was that everyone began accepting me as a member of the team.
Question: What is the learning I'm suppose to be getting at Big software company
My reason for asking this question was that I was heading in a direction that met my needs and didn't meet my boss's. Even though I was successful and got along great with the team and made things happen where they'd never happened before I wasn't quiet enough or unassuming enough to suit my boss. Couldn't have been even if I'd wanted to. I find the change to nourishing interesting. I got nourished but in some ways I felt like I was stealing it.
Note: 4/5/07 - I think this reading
2002
This year has been focused on Money, where it comes from, where it's spent and it's role in our lives. The better half keeps saying that we don't live half as well as when he earned a quarter of the money we make now. I hate to admit it but he's right. How much money buys the life you truly want? I can't answer that question and it didn't become clear during this house. For what ever it was worth our income did go up during this period but our expenses went up as well...
I was fully engaged working on a project with some rather tough deadlines. The problem with the work is that I'm home alone in front of my computer.
2003
The critique group decided to meet more often than once a month. This was really the watershed decision that meant we'd keep going. finished up and sent out the article on mental models (2 & 3 in my series). I also got told that I had to turn in the entire series before they'd publish it. This was also the time when my contract with my major client started winding down even though that fact wasn't at all clear to me. I kept getting strong along on the belief that they'd send more work my way. It also looked like I'd get some worked from CC that never came in -- same thing was going on with an old boss. Looked like there might be work coming from him as well. Also in the background was the big painting project -- it started in Jan and ended in July or August so it was in full swing during this time.
2004
In looking at the details I'm struck by the fact that this was the first time I acknowledge the impact of Jupiter doing it's 12 year cycle through my 8th house. In terms of earned income 2004 was non-existent. I did lots of non-profit work and lots of community work but absolutely no work for pay. I did a very similar thing 12 years ago.
2005
This was a busy, busy time. I'm amazed I kept my head above water. The financial woes are starting to turn a little -- they're a long way from over but definitely starting to improve.2006
March included a vacation to Mickey's world. Actually a little fun but I got sick as usual. We picked the hotel that had golf lessons. I was disappointed at how bad I really was. Things were busy but reasonable at work and had a very successful party .2007 - Very different year -- a little of 2004 and a little of 2005. Unemployed again. By my choice. I expected to be back to work by now and I did find exactly the job I'd been dreaming of during this period. Lots of emotion around whether or not I'll actually get it.
