Journey to Liath

 

Tuesday December 31, 2002

In the land of the wind there comes a time where some people are called to join the governing council.  As with most things in the other world the process isn't simple or straightforward and the results are never guaranteed.  I've never been clear why I'm being called to gain my "key" (the symbol of membership in the council) now.  Originally I had wanted it as my final symbol of mastery of one of the 12 winds and viewed the fact that possession of a key also involved sitting in the council as just one of those obligatory pieces of baggage that is so often attached to otherwise desirable things.  As with everything else in the otherworld I have come to understand things differently in the last year.  Where I was intent on proving mastery, they were intent on me getting on with my journey.  The land that would sponsor my key had already made a decision and in fact had been training me for most of my life.  As I write these words I find myself questioning them.  Where does the ego step in and cause the otherworld to become nothing but a land of fantasy where our otherwise weak self image gets propped up beyond what is realistically sustainable in the real world?  At the moment my only certainty is that since it appears that the truth of the key is that it is a pledge of service rather than a sign of power I am safe in going forward with my journey.

As I have said before the key is obtained by standing before the council and answering the question "Who Are You" as it relates to each of the winds and the answering the final question for the entire land itself "Who Do You Serve"  In my journeys over the last year I have visited 8 of the 12 winds in my preliminary attempt to answer the question.  Some of the winds I understand and others, such as Liath mystified me.  How can a wind of madness be part of the government of the land.  It would be like including the thirteenth fairy as part of the original twelve.

This morning I began to see the answer.  During my mornings meditation I was attempting to draw energy from the black fire (the primary energy at the core of all things) without much success, and I let my consciousness slip toward sleep.  In the transitional state I was jolted back awake by a voice that said "I want to hurt someone".

Somewhat frightening words to hear in one's own head to say the least.  With as much alacrity as possible I made the sign for Liath (Left index finger palm up, Right ring finger overlaid. palm down) and went in search of Daorach or Buathadh.

The Hall in Liath is made of gray stone and the flickering candles barely brighten the constant gloom that seems to seep into the space.  I was somewhat surprised to actually meet Darorach and Buathadh a moment later.  In the back of my mind I was expecting wraith like creatures and instead I saw normal warm flesh and blood people. 

"So you've come to talk to us about the key?"  Buadhadh said as he motioned me toward a side door off the main hall.

"I'm not sure if I've come for that or because I've quite lost my mind" I said as I followed both of them in to the room.

The room was appointed as a small, almost cheery den with a fire in the hearth and bookcases lining the walls.  "This is nice" I said as I sat down close to the fire.  "I didn't think anything was substantial in Liath"

"But you met the real shadow this morning did you not?  The piece that can't be healed and is a permanent part of the whole?"

"You're right. I understand much that I hadn't before.  I understand that we have eaten of the tree of knowledge and that means that we all have knowledge of evil.  That we wouldn't be human without that knowledge. I understand that we can chose to do many things with that knowledge and that as Sartre said "man is constant choice."  That the path to the dark side lies in losing sight of the light in all the choices we make in the gray areas.  That the shadow is our cast-offs, those things that we chose not to own, but it is also includes things we should never embrace.  Only he/she who came before all has the strength to embrace all and not rip the universe apart."

"So what did the voice mean, about hurting someone?"  Darorach asked.

"It was my own shadow speaking.  The part of me that carries the madness all humans carry.  Shouldn't I be more upset to know that I could do horrible things if my sanity slipped?  It seems I've collected knowledge of many of the less pleasant things in life, pain, rage, a desire to strike out and even the score with the world.  I'll certainly never obtain sainthood in this life" I said with a shake of my head and a small smile to emphasize the fact that I completely understood the absurdity of my last statement.

"So you admit you're part of our land? Buadhadh challenged me.

"No, quite the contrary.  I think I'm as functionally sane as the next person.  Parts of me may still be wandering in your woods but the self or the I is doing quite fine thank you very much.  That I carry within me the knowledge and the capability of insanity and evil simply makes me human, it doesn't make me crazy or dangerous.  Without the knowledge any decision to embrace the light is meaningless.  I am neither weak enough or strong enough to be truly tempted by what some call the darkside but I can see the path. "

"So do you still think we shouldn't be part of the council?" Darorach asked.

"Of course not.  You're all that stands between us and tyranny.  Without you the land of air would give way to the "thought police"  You remind us that perfection is not possible because the basic weave includes the slubs and other imperfections.  You are all that keeps us humble."  Of course, I thought to myself, I would have given a very different answer a month ago, but this is what learning is about.

Buadhadh  turned from the sideboard where he had been pouring a glass of water and gave me a searching look. "So Freya, if you were asked the question today what would your answer be?"

"That who I am is a human being.  That I am no better and no worse than any other human being.  That I am flawed, but without the flaw there would be no reason for life to exist.  There are many things I do not understand and may never understand but I do know that the goal is to do the work we've been asked to do without cursing the shadows.   More than that I can't say."

 Darorach and Buadhadh  both nod their heads at my response.  "That answer will suffice for Darorach and me to vote yea when the time comes.  There is much more for you to know but as far as we're both concerned what you know will do for now.  May you do as well answering the question in the other lands.