Journey to Ban to meet Esras

 

June 12, 2003

"Good Morning Master Esras, I am honored that you would meet with me"  I say as I enter the study of the man who accompanied the Tuatha De Dannan from the lands of the four cities.  His study is a large room lined with two stories of shelved books on three sides.  The fourth wall has as its focal point a large fireplace with two tall windows on either side.  Esras himself is a man of middle height with long grey hair and the traditional white robe of Ban and a rich woven clock of purples and reds.

"No, thank you for meeting with me." He motioned me to a second chair by the fire.  "Most people aren't interested in talking to the court historian, in fact most people don't even know I exist"

As I sat down I realized that the reason the room was so bright was that the ceiling was entirely domed glass.  I must have shown my surprise, because he commented, "What sense being a lord of the sky and chose to live in a cave.  But you came to ask me some questions not to discuss architecture."

"Actually I came to ask you about Gorias."

"As you know Gorias is gone.  It is in the otherworld even for us.  It is why we Alcyon and Olach use it as the destination for teaching advanced journeying in Irfind.  After all its what we teach for ancient history."

"Why did you leave?  There are no stories of destruction.  Just of migration."

"Because they were moving on and we were still interested in participating in the life.  There are many, many levels of energy and those who stayed in Gorias changed.  We chose to stay the same at least for a while.  When we came to your earth we might have been as gods but we were still flesh and blood.  When your land of Atlantis was destroyed we came to Ireland and when the Celts came to Ireland we moved on, into the other world, but not as far as the inhabitants of Gorias had moved for they changed levels, we just changed places."

"So are there other worlds we can only reach once we've entered what I've always thought of as the other world?"  I asked.  This was an aspect of journeying that hadn't quite occurred to me. 

"It isn't the only way.  It's just easier.  They teach it as the journey within the journey in Irfind."

"Do you miss it?  After all we still look at you as the keeper of all knowledge from the original Gorias."  I asked.

"Yes and no.  Gorias is so far in the distant past that it is only a name to most of you.  In fact very few people even know Gorias in any real sort of way, and most of those confuse it for the original city for which it was named.  Eventually we'll pass into the other world ourselves when we lose even a corner of your minds as mythic figures."

"Sounds depressing, though I will stave off that day as long as I can." I said smiling.  Journeying, role playing and spell work all keep the energy in the other world charged and it is my goal to make it easy for people to work with the energy in other world of air.  "Might I ask you a question on another subject?"

Esras nodded and I rushed ahead.  "I am in the process of taking the journey of questions and it's been going rather slowly.  I was wondering if you had any advice for me that would help."

"Besides plow straight ahead?  You've stumbled around quite long enough in my opinion.  What you don't seem to understand is that you can't get to the next step before doing this one.  What you stubbornly refuse to admit is that we've made our decision.  The questions only assure us that you understand why we've chosen you.  You could ask either Cardea or me to call the council today and we could be done with this and then you can begin waiting to hear the next call."

"Today?  I'm not ready...  I'm not as sure that everyone will say yes."

"Then let's go down the list.  Are you worried about Dub?"

"No, I know and they know that they will own me one day.  They will say yes."

"Breac? - You're a fili so I doubt they'll say no and you've rededicated yourself in the real world, so I'd think you were the golden haired girl.  Dubh?  You've master status there, so they'll say yes.  Corcra?  Mundane Corcra I mean?" 

I shook my head no.  I had chosen to walk a different path but I've always honored Corcra's principles of justice and fairness and my command of organization and administrative process would probably get me my journeyman's status just for the asking..

Esras starred at me rather strangely as if he could read my thoughts.  "Speak to Cardea about Corcra's position -- they'll support you but I'm not sure you're clear on why.  But that's of no matter now.  Are you concerned about Bui?  You're still a journeyman there with your yellow butterfly.  But Bui never turns her back on one of her own.  Erc? Master Earraigh has made it clear to you that he'll support you and would offer you journeyman status if you'll just come back and brush up on a few things.  Let's skip Ban for a moment since we're here and go on to Kithnglas.  They're the concern, aren't they?"

"Well I keep running away from them.  I think they might say no." I added knowing that I sounded foolish.  After all if I really believed they were the problem why had I only visited them once? 

"And Gendenwith treated you so poorly on your visit there that you doubt them?" he challenged.

"Of course not.  She was gracious and charming and wonderful and ....  You're right," I said sheepishly "they'll support me, no matter how much I have to learn.  I am the soul daughter of Kithnglas and no matter how far I run they'll welcome me home if I ever chose to come."

"Good, now I'm sure there are no doubt about Nglas, though I do have to tell you that both Nglas and Dubh would haven been honored to present you to the council." he added as an aside. 

I knew that he wanted some sort of insightful comment on his statement but I wasn't clear on how I should answer.  In a off-handed manner he had hit on the crux of the issue for me.  Who did I serve?  All the lands surely but was there one?  It was clear to me in this conversation that the who am I in relationship to the wind question I could answer in open session.  I knew the winds, I had lived with all of them in some form or another for most of my life.  So what was I struggling with in articulating who I served?

"Don't go off on me know...  No wool gathering allowed.  We have four more lands.  Is Irfind a problem?  If you bothered to think about it you'll realize that you've attended 6 shamanic workshops in the last few years.  If you bothered to talk to them you'd find you are very close to journeyman status there.  In fact I'm sure that Alycon or Olach would be happy to make this journey of questions you've done for the past two years your project and give you status right now. 

"Actually I'm sure you're right." I added a little sheepishly.  So that would give me journeyman status or higher in Dubh, Nglas, Bui, Breac, Irfind and Ban.  Not too bad for 49 years.

"Feeling better about yourself?  On with our list then.  Cron?  You tend to forget that you actually served what they consider an apprenticeship when you helped build the church.  You and I both know that its reaching but they'll count you as one of theirs the same way Erc does.  Liath has openly said they'll support you and that's where most people end up failing.  Leave it to you to do the hardest first."

"But it wasn't hard.  Just scary.  All they wanted me to do is be honest and have compassion."

"And have the wisdom to accept the shadow in yourself.  But enough there.  We now come back to Ban.  Pyerun would take you back any day of the week so you know we're not the problem.  So.. as I asked a few minutes ago why don't we call the council today and call the question.

"Can we do it at the full moon.  That gives me till Saturday morning to get ready.  This is a lot of work on very little notice...  Esras?"  A thought had suddenly occurred to me.  "You aren't exactly who I thought you were are you?  This is what was suppose to happen isn't it?"

"It's a very good thing we're not asking for you to have resolved all of your control issues or you'd never be getting your key.  I am who you now know me to be.  I am also an old man who serves as a wisdom figure for Ban.  Those who need me in either role will find me. 

And I didn't have a clue, I thought to myself.  I wasn't sure what would finally get me to the end of the journey but I didn't know about Esras.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  But there isn't time for anything if I'm to make my date for Saturday morning.  "Is there anything specific I'm required to do or have done for the ceremony?" I asked as I got up to leave the room

"Freya!"  He rose quickly and held me by my shoulders.  "Stop for a moment and realize that the day is here.  Give yourself a moment's joy before you go rushing off.  You minimize your accomplishments and therefore are always looking for more.  Part of the lesson is honor what you've done.  Emptiness is not the reward for hard work."

"Thank you, Esras and I apologize for my momentary rudeness." I took his hand and made a small curtsey. "I am grateful for the honor you have chosen to bestow on me."  I smiled my best innocent smile and was rewarded with a laugh

"Will you never grow up?  No don't answer that.  Now go ahead and find Cardea.  She'll help you get ready and I will see you on Saturday.

"As you say, so shall it be done, Master Esras."  and I scooted out the door making the finger sign for Corcra as quickly as my fingers could move.