Visit To Corcra

June 8, 2004

First Lady Bràth and First Lord Cothrom graciously received me into their sitting room in the palace of the winds.  Lady Bràth was first among the Brehons and Lord Cothrom was first among the Riarthóirs.  Both of them were much younger than I expected.  Probably mid 40s by their looks.  Lady Bràth was dressed in a the traditional gold robe of a Brehon in this world with black and purple trim on the cuffs and collar to ensure that wisdom was always available.  Lord Cothrom's attire consisted of breeches and a well cut tunic of gold trimmed in green that was intended to signify that efficiency or control never came at the price of results (the green of Nglas).

My own clothing was casual.  The work-a-day style any woman might wear in any of the lands.  Mid-calf culottes of dark blue, a blouse in a slightly lighter shade and a short jacket in a print that featured all the colors I was entitled to wear..  My choice had been deliberate.  I wanted to appear absolutely ordinary for this meeting.

Once we were seated I began the conversation by saying "It seemed to me that we should meet formally rather than simply nod to each other at one of Cardea's gatherings.  After all it will be the two of you who ask me the question in the council, not Cardea."

"You aren't concerned about that are you?" Lady Bràth asked.  "We thought the council would elevate you a year ago but we'd been told that you'd decided you weren't ready.  I do hope we can do it soon."

"Thank you"  I said, "but I have a rather strange question that I'd like to ask you.  Many years ago I had dreams in which I was running a school.  I wasn't teaching anything.  I was just running it.  Do you know anything about that?"

Lord Cothrom  shifted in his seat rather uncomfortably and then said, "I'm afraid I do.  I really won't offer any excuses.  I just didn't realize how hard we were driving you.  When Cermiel informed me that you'd asked him to start working on your re-incarnation plan it was almost too late.  I'm sorry, but everything ended up working out all right even if it was just barely."

I was tempted to tell him that "just barely" was too accurate for words but now wasn't the time to rage.  I needed answers.  "My question is was I really running the school and if I was, why?  It seems to me that you shouldn't need mortals to run otherworldly schools.  And yes I really was so exhausted I couldn't move.  No one should have to be in two places at the same time.

"But you'd volunteered.  You wanted, as you so nicely put it "to punch your master's ticket" so you could go back to Dubh and become a Master Mage and there simply wasn't going to be time with the schedule you'd set for yourself unless we did something a little unorthodox."

"Oh" was all I said.  I stifled the words that running their school almost killed me.  That it left me feeling frustrated for 10 years, that I had accomplished something but no one in the real world had taken any note.  That I wasn't sure I'd walked the right path.. That they shouldn't have let me go...because I wasn't sure I really belonged in Dubh no matter what I pretended ...

"You can always come back to us you know." Lord Cothrom said quietly.  "It might take some finagling in the real world but you can come back."

I got up out of my chair and walked to the sideboard and poured myself a glass of water.  I turned back toward them and apologized for the terseness of my conversation.   "I can't talk at the moment... I'm in shock about what I just admitted to myself.  I've spent ten years of my life climbing a mountain and I don't know why.  In fact this entire journey of questions has been centered around understanding this situation."

Setting the glass back down I thought Urghh..  I've spend 2 1/2 years on a journey to figure out something and I've been dazed or confused for most of it.  What is now clear to me is that I reached the mountain top by the end of 2001.  My status within  Duhb's community of masters might be lowly but still there is agreement that I do belong even if it is just barely.  My thoughts seemed to flit from topic to topic.

Where am I running to so quickly? What has been driving me?  My whole life is nothing but I get in, punch the ticket and get out.  The search for the key -- for the purple makes absolute sense now in the real world.  It is a desire to integrate all the ticket punching I've done into something unique.  I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Bràth interrupts my reverie by handing me a glass of champagne.  I stare at her dumbly not having noticed the wine arriving in the room.

"Would you be offended if I tell you no one ever understands the process of obtaining the purple?  That you would have been the first person in the history of your race if you had?  Cothrom and I are honored that you've allowed us to be with you at this time.  You see what you haven't realized yet is that you're ours as much as you're Athena's."

I set the glass down and sniffed back a tear.  I knew that I was in pain.  I knew that I felt like a wanderer and I even knew at some level where the pain was located but I simply couldn't do anything about it.

"I've come full circle", I said.  I'm back to where I started when I first entered the land of the winds.  A resident of Corcra and a acolyte of Athena's.  How did you first come to claim me?"

"Athena brought you to us.  She said that she reserved the right to send you to study and work any where she wanted but that we could activate your soul mark."

"What on earth is a soul mark?  I've never heard of such a thing."

"Our brethren in Dubh would tell you that it is always shown by the part of fortune, but I can't personally speak to that.  I can only say that the soul mark is your special gift.  The thing that you do very well.  Your most deeply seated natural talent."

"And mine is being a Riarthóirs?"

"In your own unique way, because clearly you don't do anything the same way as everyone else." Cothrom added wryly. 

I took a sip of my champagne and pondered what I'd just been told.