Exploring the North Northwest Wind: A Journey to the shadowlands.

Monday, June 26, 2000

There are journeys that we don’t want to make. I have always known that somewhere in the inner landscape there is a shadow land. That murky, fog filled place of perpetual twilight. I found myself absolutely terrified to venture forth  in search of what? The land of lost children? Is there still a piece of me that needs to be reunited?

Standing there dithering (a normal part of most of the journeys I don’t want to make) my companions came forward and volunteered to accompany me. I found myself refusing their offers. What sense was it to undertake such a journey with the strength of a leopard, and the overwhelming presence of a dragon? Whatever I needed to do I would miss it if I brought to bear that much fire power. Wren popped by of a moment to accompany me and offered, as well as Drew. Wren took my refusal well and agreed that one of the Sidhe might not be the best companion on the journey, if he was even able to go there. Taking a being of air and light into the shadow land might be more of a risk for him than for me. Drew was more persistent and I found myself wondering why I turned him down also. Was that not why he existed, here in my inner world; the animus, the male helpmate (not lover) but companion and soul twin? I knew this topic needed more thought than I could give it but the answer still had to be no.

The next thing I knew I found myself with my quiver over my shoulder. I mentally reviewed how much more appropriate a bow and arrow was for me than a sword. One I had an interest in as a child the other I’ve worked with in outside reality and found I don’t have the reflexes or disposition to be good at. Cienennen was waiting for me and it was time to go. I stopped for a moment almost paralyzed with dread but Wren assured me I had Grael’s bracelet on my left wrist and with that in place no other parts of me could get lost or left behind.

I looked down at the bracelet and then pulled the eagle bone whistle from my pouch. I’m not sure what role it is suppose to play in the journey but I knew I needed to bring it along.  I would have continued to drag my feet but I knew it would ultimately be to no avail.  I knew my direction but not my destination.  North-northwest toward the great shadowed forest and then through what I'd been told was a narrow slit through the the hills of Morgu and then down, and down into the depth of the shadowland.

I don't know what I'm looking for or even why it's necessary for me to come here.  I would guess it's because some part of me is still lost in the shadowland.  With every step we took the sky seems to gray over and the surrounding countryside seemed to become more desolate .  The trees became gray trunked and barren of all but the most withered of leaves.  I continue to head directly into the light breeze that is blowing North Northwest.  A moment later I hear a distinctive Caw-Caw.  A crow or a raven is somewhere up ahead of me.  Seeing the flap of dark wings, I follow as if summoned me forward.  Four more times I draw near and four more times the raven flew away.  On my sixth attempt, as I draw near, the Raven seems to mock me from his perch.  In his beak is a right crimson red bauble.  As Cienennen and I ride forward toward the tree, a shaft of sunlight breaks through what had been an unbroken gray hazy and strikes the ruby, reflecting back a white six pointed star.  The light from the star grows until we find ourselves enveloped in it.  When the light subsides we're back at our starting point.

Notes from the journey:

Ruby with a six pointed star = star ruby, sixth ray, the star (tarot card 17), causal chakra, Ariadne?
Crow or Raven

Post Journey - realizations

While in the journey I wasn't successful in bringing back the lost part of me, this journey has definitely been a catalyst for change.  I have been in touch with Airmed and she generously pointed out two things that would help my immediate needs.  She told me to wear Blue lace agate and to meditate with it when I did my air breathing and to begin to take St. John's Wort.  

August 12, 2000

It's taken a while but I've solved part of the riddle. I know now what the star ruby represents and what I've truly lost.  There was a time when I knew what star I was following and had both the passion and the energy to pursue it almost unquestioningly.  Now I sit mired in doubt and indecision.