Journey to the Hall of Mirrors

 

The Hall of Mirrors in in the Land of Dubh.  I had done a workshop with John Matthews and originally met the vulture, the butterfly, and the mountain goat.

Thursday, May 02, 2002

 Decided that now was the time to gather the animals together and see what should be done with my problem.  I wasn’t sure everyone would still come.  After all it has been almost two weeks and I haven’t talked to them or worked with them.  Cien came right away but of course she would, Buzzy the buzzard showed up next.  He wasn’t sure he liked being called Buzzy or buzzard but I told him that he should be happy that I’ve clearly accepted his presence enough to give him a nickname.  For a moment no one else showed up.  Then the firebird and the butterfly made an appearance.  I was delighted to see them.  Bright, colorful and joyous.  Finally the Mt Goat arrived.  I was surprised to see she/he had arrived last.  I thought that I should possibly give that some more thought but the pressure was on to do what needed to be done.

Once all the animals were there I was instantly transported to the hall of mirrors.  This is a circular room covered in mirrors.  It seems the configuration of the mirrors can change for each person.  There can be one mirror or 360 of them depending on the needs of the person entering the room.  Upon entering the room I asked Freya, Vivienne and Elaine to please come into the room.  They did so and I was instantly struck by the feeling that the answer to my question lay in examining my chart. 

For the next few moments the room shifted as I assembled the puzzle pieces in my mind.  Was Vivienne the Moon and Elaine the Sun?  No, that was too simple and that hid what was out of balance.  My sun and moon are in aspect.  In fact they don’t aspect anything else (conventionally).  From the corner of my eye I saw a flash of red and was reminded that at one time I had gone to the land of the lost to find a red jewel that had been taken from me.  Was it my mars?  My Mars is in Virgo – I most often use the energy as a verbal sword and at worst as the hypercritical nitpicky tongue  – definitely not good warrior energy.

The mirrors in the room seemed to be subtly shifting while I was thinking.  Finally they shifted into 360 segments – the circle of self.  I got the impression that I was being told that the self stands in the center and different images can constellate in the mirrors but they’re all reflections of the whole.

I asked where Freya was and she waved to me from the ninth house.  I was somewhat surprised to find her there.  She said she was the energy of the high end planets.  I knew what she meant was the planets in aspect from 22 degrees to 27 degrees; Mercury, Neptune, Saturn, Pluto, and Jupiter.  Half the planets in my chart and 3 of my 5 occupied houses.   

Freya and I sort of looked at one another and she told me I need have no fear of her.  Her construction was pre-ordained in my chart and she was a stable face I would always show to the world.  So I returned my focus to the other two and the planets that now seemed to encompass Vivienne and Elaine.

The first thing I realized is that Elaine didn’t really exist.  Vivienne was Moon but Sun and Moon.  Elaine if she existed at all was no more than a shard of glass that might catch a reflection.  Elaine had always been my attempt to mediate between the old me, Vivienne, Freya and the self and she simply wasn’t strong enough

Looking again at the images in the mirrors I saw that the planets shown as colored lights above the mirrors that represented their degree.  I quickly saw that part of the problem was that I had let my Mars and my Venus become unaligned. A semi-sextile might be a minor aspect but in my chart it was the glue that held things together.  Moon, Mars/Venus and Sun (plus a scattering of asteroids) is what forms the whole.

Looking at the gem lights for the planet I am struck by the fact that Mars is red and that a year ago I did a journey to the shadowland in search of something.  Crow showed me a star ruby and then disappeared.  Two years ago what I was left with was the thought that I had lost my guiding star and the energy with which to pursue it.  I also wasn’t able to carry the thoughts any further.  No matter how much work I did on the images I wasn’t able to say “Now I understand it and now I can change it.”

So what does it mean if my Mars has become shadowed?  Mars is semi-sextile both sun and moon.  Does that tell me anything?  What it tells me is that part of my personality The 7th – 8th house part that includes all but one of my personal planets has fallen out of balance.  That when I chose to repudiate the warrior side of me. I sent Mars packing. and I’ve been out of balance ever since.  Stupid of course but there you have it.

“Mars in Virgo gives energy for work, service, analysis, categorizing, and scientific activity. Energy tends to be disciplined, and one is usually efficient, practical, logical, adaptable, and healthy, though criticism may be biting and sarcastic, because one is so eager to make corrections or improvements.

So I need to balance my 4 planets and 2 asteroids back into a working whole.  What strikes me at this time is that I have two primary focus areas; the 5th, 6th, 9th and the 7th and 8th.  The moon bridges the two as a primary planet since in the destiny chart the moon moves into the 6th house. 

I’m also struck by the fact that my asteroid Vesta is sitting alone in my first house.  She sits mid point between the two selves shall we say.  But she’s hiding – she’s secret, she lives in the interception.  Does that make her weak or does that make her a hidden source of strength that is inviolate.  When I ask that question the answer I hear is that she is the doorway for the Goddess to enter my life.  That she is the mark that I was dedicated at birth, but that I was one of the secret sisterhood. 

So what do I know now?  That I need to get my Mars energy back into my life.  That it is a missing point of balance and without it I’m lost.  That my chart is anchored through my first house and that the sub personalities have become too strong (or maybe I should say that Vivienne has become too strong, because she tried to pull the anchor to the 7th/8th house but things slipped out of balance.  So does Viv go to Buzzy?

Don’t have the answer yet and I’m not sure I’ll get it today.  Am closer though than I was